Pain, Relief and LoveLife
by leanonme
Summary: Formerly 'An Empty Heart, A Lonely Soul'.Look at Kagura's life through her eyes and witness her trials and how she learns to love by her family and ends up finding true love.Romance will slowly develop.R
1. alone and lost

Disclaimer: I do not own Fruits Basket and any of the Characters. Please bear with me, this is my first time writing a story. So here it goes.

An Empty Heart

As I look around the room, I couldn't help but see that everybody has somebody to love except me. I have changed a lot since that day when Kyo transformed and Tohru saved him. It was just a matter of time until they got together. Ever since then, I gave up. I didn't feel like being the happy, oblivious girl that I once was. So here I am, in another party surrounded by couples, surrounded by love that isn't meant for me…

"Kagura-chan!"

I looked around and spotted the person who just called me. "Hi there Tohru-san!" I replied happily, or at least I think it was happily. But as I saw her still smiling and walking towards me I'm assured that it was convincing enough.

"Kagura, I thought you wouldn't be able to come because Hatori told me you were busy studying for your exams. But it's not like I don't want you here, I mean.."

I knew Tohru wouldn't stop going on and on so I stopped her by saying,

"Tohru, I wouldn't miss this day for the world. You should stop worrying and go back to your husband. Go on." I said this while pushing her towards Kyo. They just got married this afternoon.

"Now go.."

" Bu-but, Kagura.."

"Don't worry I'll be okay, now go to your husband."

"Okay, if you say so." Tohru replied while hurrying to Kyo.

Despite what I said, I didn't feel okay at all. So, I went outside to get some fresh air. I just started thinking about my life when I heard somebody come behind me, naturally I turned around and I saw Akito watching me and smirking. He could always scare me with that way he looked at me.

"Hello Kagura, what a pleasant surprise. You are just the person I was looking for. Shall we talk for a while, in my room." The way he said it left no room for complaints because he started dragging me to his room. And I could only let him drag me and wonder what it is that I have done wrong now.

Finally we arrived, and I saw him sit on his bed. I wonder where I'm supposed to sit , just as I was thinking about what I should do..

" Now, now Kagura don't be shy all of a sudden. Come sit with me here."

So, I walk to the bed aware of his eyes following my every moment, I didn't like the feeling of where this was going. As I sat down, he moved a bit closer to me.

"So, Kagura. Did you enjoy the wedding and the party? I bet you wished it were you walking down that aisle, weren't you. It was just _too_ bad that it had to be Tohru.." As he continued to tell me all of those things I started to feel tears well up in my eyes. But I couldn't cry, it would show him that his words are affecting me. He was right in a way, I don't love Kyo anymore but I just wished I had somebody that loves me. It was really too bad that I was so deep in thought that I didn't notice Akito laying me down until I felt his hands roaming my body.

"Akito, wh-what are you doing?"

"I thought it would be obvious to you by now, I have noticed how much you have grown lately and how vulnerable you seem to be. So I decided to have some fun"

Then all of a sudden he was forcing me to kiss him. It was disgusting. I tried to escape or scream for that matter but I couldn't. All I could do was lay there and cry silent tears as I felt him take off my dress and rip all clothing from my body.

"Kagura, you really should start wearing clothes that are more revealing. Of course, you should only wear it for me and nobody else. I bet you're still a virgin, are you?"

All I could do was nod silently and pray that he will just get this over with.

After I nodded he entered himself into me. I bit back my screams and stopped my tears. He started to thrust himself into her harder and harder, and saying, "kagura, you're so tight. I should have fucked you before." Then finally it was over. And he put his clothing back on and left her there all alone and bleeding.

She wanted to cry but she couldn't. So, she just put on what's left of her clothes and walked to her room. Then cried herself to sleep.

Please review and help me improve my writing. Please!


	2. a losing fight

Author's note: Hey, I decided to try and continue this and try to actually make a story out of it. This will be an angst fic, but of course there will be some romance in it, but it will develop slowly. So please review if you have any suggestions or comments. )

It was a rainy day the next day. I could hear the raindrops falling silently on the roof. I got out of bed and put on the new school uniform that my college suddenly decided we should wear. I put on my skirt, buttoned my blouse except for the first two buttons, and I put my tie on. When I got outside my room, nobody noticed me like always. I went to grab some breakfast then left for school. I remember vaguely getting an umbrella and walking towards school. I was so busy thinking about what happened I didn't notice that a car was about to hit me. But suddenly I felt somebody pull me out of the way, and we both landed on the wet ground.

"I-I'm sorry. I didn't notice.." I started to say while I looked at the one who just saved my life. "Gu-Gure-san..?" I asked.

"Kagura, you really should be careful when you're all alone. You might have been hurt really badly if I wasn't here to help you." Shigure said to her as he helped her up. It was only then that he noticed her attire.

"Kagura, why are you wearing a school uniform?" Shigure had no complaints at all, in her school uniform he could see her long legs and the blouse wasn't loose at all. But he pushed those thoughts out when there were more important matters at hand.

"Ah, my school suddenly decided to make us wear uniforms for some reason..Oh well, thank you Gure-san. I'll be off to school." I said while putting a fake smile on my face. I started to walk away but then I felt Shigure pulling me and saying that we needed to talk. So, I let him pull me away, I wasn't that excited to go to school anyways when I looked like a mess.

We walked to his house silently. I was starting to wonder on what he had to talk to me about. Finally we arrived at his home, I was about to head to the living room but he steered me to the room where he worked.

"Um, ano..Gure-san what is it that you wanted to talk to me about?"

"Kagura, why did you let him?" He asked her seriously. I shivered from how cold and emotionless his face was and also from the may he looked at me.

"Huh? Gure-san, I don't know what you're talking about." I laughed fakely, I knew what he was talking about but I didn't feel like talking about it.

"Kagura, do I have to say it out loud for you? I know you're not stupid and you know what I'm talking about. If you think I am oblivious to your lies and your fake laugh, then you're wrong. Now, just tell me, why did you let him?" There was just something in his voice that didn't let me lie.

"There was nothing I could do to stop him. If I fought him, I would have lost and he would have hurt me even more. So, I just let him."

There was silence for a while, but then Shigure spoke.

"Was it your first time?" He asked again, he said it in such a low voice I thought I just imagined him asking the question.

"Yes." I said while looking down at the ground. I just couldn't let him look at me.

"What is wrong with you? You could have at least screamed when he was forcing you to follow him. Don't you know how worried everybody was about you? Don't you even care about how worried everybody was when they noticed you were gone, and so was Akito." He said, losing his usually calm façade he put on.

"Do you really expect me to believe that anybody cared? I wonder how long you had to practice to say that so convincingly. Nobody cares about me Shigure, and nobody ever will. So if that is all you wanted to talk to me about, I think I'll be going now." I didn't get the chance to leave though since Shigure forced me to sit back down and was looking right at me, his face just a few inches away from mine.

I shivered as I remembered what happened last night. I looked away not wanting him to see the tears that were threatening to fall. He probably knew what I was thinking so he backed away a little, but not so much that I would be able to escape.

"Kagura, " he said, " we do care. And we never stopped caring about you. We love you. What happened to the old Kagura we all loved? The old Kagura would have never let Akito or anybody take control of her."

"How can you say that the old me would never let Akito control her when he controls my very life? And also yours as well."

"That may be true in a sense but she would still fight back. She was the boar, who is stubborn but passionate about her life. All of us miss her. What happened to her?"

"Ha! It's only now that you realized I'm different. Well, let me tell you a little secret of mine. I never changed. I was always this way, I just tried to hide it but now, I'm tired of hiding, of acting oblivious to everything around me. I'm tired of seeing everybody happy when I know that they can only be happy if I'm hurting. And to be honest, I'm getting tired of lying and putting a big fake smile on my face and telling people some fake happy words. I'm tired of living Shigure, because I know that everybody would be happy without me."

"That's not true Kagura. I'm not happy if I see you suffering, why do you think I helped you a while ago?"

"You helped me Shigure, because you would feel guilty if you didn't. Since when have you been so interested in how I feel anyways?"

" Why wouldn't I be interested in the life of someone who is depressed and thinks that nobody loves her. Why wouldn't I be interested in the person who just let somebody rape her without even fighting back? Why wouldn't I be interested, when I saw this person suffering even before? I am the dog of the zodiac Kagura, I can sense if someone is suffering."

"If you could tell that I was suffering then why couldn't you save me? Why couldn't you help me? If you knew all along, then why did you only wait until now to try to 'help' me?"

For the first time, Shigure couldn't answer back. So, I left walking out of the house towards who knows where, I just had to get away.


	3. face your fears

Chapter 3

After hours, or was it only minutes, of running, I finally stopped to breathe.

I still can't believe what Shigure told me. It seems like I only dreamt of that conversation, but I know better. So, I headed to school. Hoping that I didn't miss too much, I went into the classroom and sat down, then the bell rang and the professor came in. I have a small secret from the family and that is the course that I'm taking. Even if it doesn't seem like it, I've always wanted to be a teacher. Just seeing kids makes me happy, and just hearing them laugh makes me smile.

"Good afternoon. Since this is your final year in this course, this entire year will be dedicated to internships at different schools."

Wow! I didn't know that it's already time for internships! I wonder which school I'm going to be in.

The teacher continued talking about what they should do, and to remember to teach well..blah blah blah. _I wonder when the bell is going to ring._

As if on cue, the bell rang and the teacher said one last thing.

"The school that each of you will intern in will be posted on the bulletin board tomorrow morning. Now, go."

Finally, she walked the way home so she could study and prepare herself for her internship. Then while she was studying, there was a knock on her door.

"Ah, who's there?"

"It's me, Hatori."

Though she hesitated for a while, she finally said.

"Come in!"

Hatori came in and looked at her for a while, trying to see if she was really okay.

"Hello Ha'ri! Why are you here? I don't have any illness."

'Great, I just know this has something to do with my..erm..discussion with Shigure.'

"I am not here to talk with you about some events, those may wait until later. Akito wishes to see you now."

To say that I was afraid would be an understatement. I thought that one time would be enough for him. Hopefully Ha'ri will be there to make sure nothing else happens to me. So I followed him to Akito's room, unluckily for me Akito told Ha'ri to leave and to only come in when he told him to.

"Hello there, Kagura." He said while walking towards me. I had to force myself not to wince at his closeness to me.

"You must be wondering why I brought you here. You see, I think it is unfair of you to go around and tell people that I _raped_ you. When it was obvious that you wanted me anyways." He said while cradling my face in one hand, which just further made me try not to hurt him. But I'm not the boar for nothing.

"What makes you think that I would want you to do that to me? Isn't controlling my life enough for you? Isn't it enough that you have hurt so many of the ones who are cursed? But you still find the need to make up excuses for your actions, when it was YOU who wanted ME in the first place."

At what I said, his grip on my face tightened, as I could see in his eyes that he was angry.

"You filthy little whore. You think that I would want to touch you. You, a filthy creature that does not even has someone to love her the way she wants to be loved. I was doing you a favor."

"OH, when you put it that way. Why, I thank you MY LORD, for making me your little whore. I thank you MY LORD, for dirtying me by your touch. I thank you MY LORD, for taking something away from me that I can never get back. THANK YOU for ruining MY LIFE because you are not happy with your own!" I screamed at him while his grip tightened even more and I was starting to bleed, but I didn't care, I just knew I needed to get this out of me.

It was then that Akito could not hold in his anger anymore. He used his other hand to get me to stand up by pulling me by my hair.

" You ungrateful little bitch. Is this how you repay someone who was doing you a favor? No wonder you aren't loved, you're the boar the most unladylike of signs and the most disgusting! You will never be loved, nobody will ever want a filthy creature like you for a wife!" He shouted as he took the vase that was near me and he smashed it on my struggling body. I shouted from the pain and he seemed satisfied with the fact that I shouted. So, he left me there on the floor, with the shattered vase around me, finally letting the tears flow down my face and to the floor. He must have told Ha'ri to "clean up the mess", and I could barely see Ha'ri's face as it showed for a moment a shocked expression. He picked me up carefully and carried me to his office. It was after a few moments that I finally passed out from exhaustion, pain, and relief.


	4. the snow is falling

Chapter 4

I can't remember exactly how I woke up but I regret the moment I woke up when I felt the pain all over my body. I could tell it was early in the morning. I was always an early riser. I eventually got tired of just lying down on the bed and I sat up carefully. I noticed that I was in Ha'ri's office. I spotted Ha'ri asleep on the chair and decided to try my best not to wake him.

I went outside and just sat there, thinking about everything. I don't understand anything anymore. I don't understand how I came to be this way. I don't understand why I'm still here alive. One of my friends in high school once told me that we all have a purpose in life and once you fulfill that purpose you will finally be able to go to heaven. I always imagined what heaven would be like. It would be peaceful. It's where my curse will suddenly disappear. I'll be able to watch over my friends who are still alive. I can guide them and watch them as they laugh and smile. That's why I wanted to die; I wanted to be able to see people's happiness. I know I will never be able to make people happy the way Tohru has made Kyo happy, or the way Kana has changed Ha'ri. I'm happy for Kyo and Tohru, they got married at 19 and they're still happy. And just look at me, I'm 21 and I still haven't found the one that I really love. I'm hopeless.

I knew I had to stop thinking when I felt my tears falling from my eyes, but I just couldn't. I just cried and cried as quietly as possible. I haven't cried in a long time. The last time I cried was when I heard that my parents died, and I still blame myself. They were on their way to pick me up so we could spend time with each other. I always felt lucky with my family. After all I was the only one in the zodiac whose parents really loved me. I waited and waited until I realized they were 3 hours late, so I just walked home. When I arrived at home, they weren't there. I started to worry, then the phone rang and it was the hospital asking me to come. I went and even before they told me, I knew that they were dead. It seems like they were on their way to pick me up but some drunks were driving and headed right for them. They didn't even see them coming. I cried differently when I heard this, I shouted while crying and I didn't allow anybody to talk to me. I didn't want to see their faces full of pity for me. After 3 weeks, I finally started to move on. I vowed that I would continue to live just for them.

Now, as I remember, I know that I should still keep my promise. I'll keep on going for them. I looked up at the sky and I remembered that it's wintertime. I didn't care if I wasn't wearing appropriate clothing for winter I stood up and walked towards the middle of the garden. I saw the first snowflake falling and I saw it fall with its beautiful pattern, and I caught it. It soon melted away but it doesn't matter, for that one moment I felt happy. I always loved winter even if my zodiac didn't but I still loved it. I knew that it was weird but I loved the feel of snow and I loved seeing everything covered in white. It was like I was in a different world. This is the only time of the year that I felt so content and happy.

It seems like I've been outside for a long time because I didn't notice Ha'ri was awake already.

"You'll catch a cold if you stay outside wearing that Kagura. As your doctor, I can not allow that."

Surprised, I turned around. I couldn't think of anything to say, all I could do was smile. At his surprised look, I knew he didn't expect to see me smile a real smile.

"Come inside, I have to check if you're okay before you go." He said as he headed inside. And I followed him.

After a long silence when Ha'ri was busy checking if I was okay and the pain subsided, he finally decided to speak.

"Shigure told me that he was worried about you because of your conversation."

He paused for a while, waiting for a reaction, but I didn't give him any. So he continued.

"But I think that he has nothing to be worried about, right Kagura?" He said as I saw him do something he rarely did, he smiled.

"Hai Ha'ri. Can I go now? I don't want to be late for school."

"Kagura, it's only 5 in the morning. Your classes don't start until 9. Just relax and don't push yourself too hard. I doubt that your body will be able to handle it, considering what has happened."

"Okay Ha'ri." I said while I walked to the door. Before I went out the door, I said "Thank you Ha'ri.". Then I left, and I vaguely heard Ha'ri say "Thank you Kagura."


	5. a surprise visit

Chapter 5

I went to my room to prepare for school today. To be honest I was really excited, today I'm going to find out which school I'm going to intern in. I hope I'll be able to enjoy it. So, I hurriedly put on my uniform then I went on my way to school. As I walked to school I realized that I haven't even eaten breakfast yet.

' I'll just go to the cafeteria before I check the bulletin board.'

So, when I arrived at school I went straight to the cafeteria hearing my stomach complaining from the lack of food. I decided to just eat some fish and rice. While I enjoyed my meal, I was thinking about what school I'm going to teach in and what grade. I never got the chance to ask what levels we will have to be teaching. From all the excitement I was feeling I didn't even notice my friends walking towards me.

"Hey Kagura! It's been such a long time since we've seen you! We were getting worried about you!" Suzu said. Suzu is probably my closest friend. She knows me the most.

"Kagura, are you just going to sit there or not?" Her other friend, Mika, said in a pretend annoyed voice.

"Haha! I missed you guys too! I've just been preoccupied for a while." I said while I hurried to hug them.

"Now, that's the Kagura that we know. By the way, I heard your class' internship will start soon." Mika said.

"Oh, yeah. I have to go check on the list on the bulletin board to see where my internship will take place." I said.

"That's so cool, I know that you'll pass with flying colors. Everybody will just love you! I'm sure." Suzu said.

"Aww, thanks you guys! I'm going to go check on the list now, let's eat lunch together later, okay?"

"Sure!" Mika and Suzu chorused. "oh, let's go eat at that new Italian restaurant that's a block away. I heard it's really nice." Suzu added.

"Okay, I'll see you then." I said while rushing to the bulletin board.

I ran all the way to the bulletin board. I was so excited I almost missed seeing it. I walked up to the list, searching for my name. When I finally found my name, I looked across at the school I was going to teach in. To say that I was confused would be an understatement.

_Tokyo University, I thought I would be teaching in a grade school or high school, not in a university._

"Ah, hello there Kagura. I see that you have already seen where your internship will take place."

"Oh, good morning Professor. I was just thinking why you put me in a university. Shouldn't we start at grade schools or high schools?"

"That is what most people think but you are one of my most promising students so I would like to give you a little challenge. Don't worry, you'll only be teaching the first years that will take up Chemistry. I know that you will be able to handle it."

"Okay Professor. If you say so."

"Good, now go to your class before you're late."

"Okay, see you later Professor." I said as I rushed to the Arts History classroom.

The rest of the day passed by pretty quickly for me. I was already so nervous about my internship that will take place next week. I guess I was so busy thinking about it that I didn't notice I was walking straight into somebody.

"Oops, I'm sorry..Aya-chan?"

"What a pleasant surprise Kagura, what are you doing here outside of my store?"

"EHH..!" I turned to face the shop and indeed it was Ayame's shop, which is quite far from the Honke which happened to be my destination.

Ayame just laughed softly at the shocked expression on my face.

"Why don't you come inside for a while. It's been such a long time since I've seen you!"

"Umm..okay!" I said enthusiastically. I always liked going into Ayame's shop it was full of wonderfully made clothes.

They walked into the shop and sat down at the round table near the window facing each other.

"Mine! Would you mind getting me two cups of tea? We have a visitor." Aya shouted in the shop.

"Hai!" The enthusiastic employee said while rushing to prepare the tea.

"Now, Kagura. Tell me, how did you end up here?"

"hehe, I was just a little preoccupied with something and I didn't notice where I was going."

"Hmm, I knew something was weird when I saw you walking in a daze outside my store. Now what exactly could make my little Kagura so preoccupied? Maybe it's a new boyfriend? Oh, the possibilities!" Aya said quite dramatically with a small hint of seriousness.

"I don't have a boyfriend Aya-chan. I was just thinking about my internship at Tokyo University that will take place next week. What's wrong Aya-chan? Are you alright?" I asked worriedly as he turned completely serious.

Just then, Mine came and gave us our cup of tea. I thanked her and I turned my attention back to Aya-chan.

"Ne Kagura, what are you taking up in college?"

"huh? Umm, I'm studying to be a teacher. Why do you ask?"

"Does Akito know of this?"

"Umm,not yet. But I'm going to tell him tomorrow after school so I have his permission to go to Tokyo University. It is quite far from here." I knew I had to ask for Akito's permission but I was certainly not looking forward to it especially after..

"I don't want to seem unsupportive of you but I don't think you should go."

"Why Aya-chan?"

"I know what happened that night of Kyo and Tohru's meeting, I'm not sure if I want you to go talk to Akito so soon."

"Don't worry Aya-chan. Ha'ri will probably be there as well when I talk to him. There's no reason to be worried."

"I guess if Ha'ri will be there then it should be okay."

"Stop worrying Aya-chan! I'll be fine!"

"Okay,okay." He said while turning back to his usual self.

We then talked some more, I asked about how his shop was going and if he had any new creations. He showed me his newest 'masterpieces' and showed me some of his plans for other clothes while I gave him some advice. Going to Aya's shop always made me feel happy, it was genius of how he could make fabulous clothes. It always helped me forget all my troubles..except for today.

There was this bad feeling in my stomach that something will go wrong and I prayed that it had nothing to do with Akito.


End file.
